


Porrim The Dolorosa

by DeadlyTrickster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ancestors, Death of the Signless, F/M, The ancestors have pre-scratch names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyTrickster/pseuds/DeadlyTrickster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>History would never remember the name Porrim Maryam. Forever in the annals of history she would be known as The Dolorosa. The grieving mother to the Signless. </p>
<p>*<br/>The story of the cult of the Sufferer from the Dolorosa's perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Porrim The Dolorosa

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Mater Dolorosa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/243669) by [sunbreaksdown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbreaksdown/pseuds/sunbreaksdown). 



Memories filled the Jade bloods head as she was forced to stand in the crowd. These memories clung to her like a rapt disease, refusing to leave her now fragile mind. As the screams and shouts from around her bellowed, she allowed herself but a moment to sink into her memories.

___________________________________________________________________________________

It was many many sweeps ago when she first stepped into the caverns. She knew from that day that the sun she once loved would never again grace her grey skin. That the wind that played music for her would forever be silent amidst the cold and dark rocks. But for none of this did she care. It was an honor above all to be a caretaker for a virgin mother grub. And with the jade blood that flowed through her veins, that was the only suitable task she would ever be given. These were the lies she told herself to make it through each and every day. 

Other trolls said that such a task would be easy. How hard could it be to watch after a monster that could easily care for itself? Where was the trouble in watching eggs everyday? How couldn't someone spectate the horrible trials that all grubs undertake? She had heard all these things from the peddlers that often stopped by her desert hive to trade supplies once they knew of her blood color. To them, she had the easiest job of them all. But none of it was easy. It wasn't easy tending to the wounds that the grub mother received through the act of birth. The screams that echoed from its mouth for hours as hundreds of eggs poured from it's body. Surely it wasn't easy soothing it's anguish when some of the more vicious lusi came to feast on the eggs. Yes she would defend them, but always at least one egg would be lost and it was her that had to hide the remains from the mother. Though she would always know. A mother always knew when one of her babies was hurt. No words she could say would ever ease the pain. 

Threats would come for the eggs each and every night. Never would she have a respite from protecting the defenseless troll eggs. Even when they began to hatch, her job was not over. It was up to her to urge the newly hatched wrigglers off to the trials. The horrible trials she wished that she could forget. Even though she knew they were necessary, and that most trolls eventually forgot about the specifics as they aged, she would forever have the horrors burned into her mind. The endless screams that she could do nothing about. The sounds of wailing and tears that would echo across the stone. But the worst was when she would travel through the cavern to clean up the remains of those that did not succeed in reaching the end. The unfortunate trolls that would never meet a lusus, never see the beautiful moonlight, never feel the wind against their skin. Instead their blood was painted across the stone that surrounded her. In the dark of the cavern she couldn't see the color of the blood. She'd never know what trolls lived, which would survive to see the surface. To her it didn't matter. They were all just children. The color of their blood was trivial, it was the lives they lost that truly mattered. In these caves, nothing would save them except for pure chance and natural talent. None of it was fair. The only color she was sure stained the stones was the jade of her tears as she cleaned the mess and prepared for the next hatching cycle to begin. Where was the ease the other trolls chided her about? Certainly she never saw it.

For sweeps this went on. Occasionally she would be permitted to leave the cavern obtain supplies for her and the mother grub. In these instances she would leave before nightfall only when there were no eggs to watch out for. Though she longed for the sun that once graced her skin, she knew that her respite from the cave was short and that no other troll would be out during the daylight. For this she again sacrificed for the sake of her calling. 

But on one such occasion something different occurred. On her way back to the cavern she discovered a large crater. Inside was something that made her drop all that she carried. A lone grub squirmed at it's epicenter. Bright red ooze covered the ground from beneath it's many feet. She was transfixed by it's brilliant color, and by the wide smile upon its lips when it looked up to her. Slowly, she found herself walking up to the small creature and pulling it up into her arms. There was no one else around, no one that would have put the grub here. Certainly it was too small to have been from the previous group to pass the trials. So where had it come from she wondered. Before she even realized what she was doing, they were out of the crater and walking towards the caverns. She continued to walk when suddenly a tiny arm grazed her cheek. She looked to the grub in her arms and stopped mid stride. 

It looked up at her with complete tranquility and happiness. She could not fathom such a pure creature living in those dark caves. Yet, it had no one to take care of it. No lusus was around, not that they would care for a being with blood such as that. She ought to simply discard it, leave the elements to take care of such a monstrosity. But, deep in her heart she knew... She knew that it deserved better than that. That the only one capable of caring for it would be her. 

Without sparing a glance to the cavern she had never truly called home, the two walked out into now glowing horizon. Dawn was upon them, and she knew just where to raise her new wriggler. The desert she once called home. As they reached the edge of the treeline where the sands began, she looked down to the wriggler she could somehow just feel to be a boy. She brushed his messy black hair back and gently kissed his forehead. “Welcome to your new home. Starting today, we will live here together. My dear Kankri.” And with giving him his new name they set out. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

For sweeps they traveled. It was certainly not an easy feat raising a wriggler in the hot desert. Food was scarce, water more so. Wildlife constantly posed them a threat. But none of this bothered her. For once in her life she knew that what she was doing mattered. It mattered more than the entire survival of her species. She couldn't explain why, but seeing Kankri's face grow over the perigrees and seeing how he would smile when she prepared them a fresh meal simply set her heart a flutter that she never knew within the caverns. 

Eventually he began to ask her of their lifestyle. Why they did not stay in a hive like the trolls they would occasionally see on their few trips to the cities for supplies? She told him that they were more fortunate than any of those trolls. For while their homes were a small building, theirs was the entire desert itself. This always made little Kankri smile. How she treasured seeing him smile at her. 

One day they were leaving town when a rust blood was found strewn apart in the streets. She tried to hurry him away before he could see, but it was to no avail. Naturally he would question her about it. She took him out into their desert and as they prepared for eating she told him of the hemospectrum and the caste system that ruled their society. How the highbloods would look down upon those lower than them and often strike them down only for being alive. He was very quiet and attentive through her explanations. It was almost eery if she did not know him to be a naturally inquisitive young troll. When she finished he merely thought about her words and offered another question. “Where do I fit in the hemospectrum mom?” 

She knew the question would one day come, but still she did not wish to tell him. How could she explain that he was not natural. That his mere existence was a crime to their standards. That he would surely be culled for even breathing. She found the words caught in her throat and contemplated a lie. But one look at his longing face told her that he was deserving of the truth. So she looked at him with nothing but care in her eyes. “You are not on the hemospectrum Kanny. Your blood is a rare mutation that does not have it's own place among society. This is why we don't stay amidst the other trolls. If they knew what blood you were, they would take you from me and kill you like the troll we saw today.” She hadn't notice the tears build up in her eyes, nor had she noticed when he came to hug her in his small arms. “But none of that matters to me little one. You are still my son and should never be ashamed of your blood. It is the most beautiful of all the blood colors. Never feel shame for who or what you are.”

Now she returned his embrace and looked off into the bright sky. The sun never bothered her skin, but she had found it to be harmfull to all other trolls, Kankri included. So she crafted him a cloak to protect him from the harsh sun and allow them to live while all others were asleep. It was in this sunlight that she saw that beautiful smile that she loved so much. “Don't worry mother. I could never be ashamed of something that you find beautiful.” He then laughed ever so softly and looked around them, “Besides, we don't need to live like the other trolls because we have the biggest and best hive of all of them.” 

She smiled widely and embraced him with all of her heart. The two laughed for several minutes until their food was finished and they began to eat. 

 

___________________________________________________________________________________

It was several sweeps later when his dreams began. Often he would awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. At first he remained quiet about it, but she would hear him awake and merely watch if he was ok. Eventually he began to talk about them. They were short in the beginning. Quick flashes here and there, a place very much like their own with people very much like them. She told him that they were merely dreams and that he need not worry over them. But he told her that they did not feel like dreams to him, rather they had felt like memories. 

As the perigrees went on, so did the dreams. They would last longer, become more vivid. Until one day he recalled one in full detail. He urged her awake in a more than quiet frenzy. She had since become used to waking early to soothing him of the dreams, but this was different. Without hesitation he began telling her everything. Everything of another life, another world where trolls lived in peace. Where all the blood colors came together in a union to better the collective life. He spoke with such enthusiasm and passion that she could not help but smile. The tale he told was breathtaking. This world of his simply enchanting. She listened to every word without so much as breathing for fear that he would stop. When finally he was finished he looked at her with hopeful eyes. She took but a moment to consider what words to say to him. Deciding on what she would say, she stood up and put a hand on his shoulder while they both gazed out to the slowly rising sun. “That world sounds wonderful Kanny. How I wish that we could live in a place as marvelous as the one you see.” And he turned to her with his magnificent smile. “But we can mother. If it was possible for one such life to exist, whether it was in the past, future, or another world entirely, then it must be possible for us. I... I just believe that it's true.” 

His eyes held the most true conviction that she had ever seen. And as she looked into them she knew he spoke the truth. It was the same feeling as when she found him. Something just told her that he was destined to do something great. And if anything of the world he spoke of could come true, even the smallest bit of it. It would be better than the world they live in now. And for that, she would do anything to make his dream become a reality. “I believe you Kanny. Perhaps we simply need to tell others so that they too understand?” He nodded eagerly as they watched the sunrise. That day they decided to head out to a city and tell others of his vision.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Once to the town she found something she never thought she would see. Kankri was at a loss for words and could not find it in him to speak to the others. She kindly urged him on from the side and he began muttering softly. No one could hear that he was talking, let alone what he was saying. But she was patient. He had not spoken to anyone but her in long conversations ever and surely he just needed time to prepare himself. So she stood besides him, silently watching out for him with a small smile on her lips as he tried his best to find the words to speak his dreams.

This went on for a perigree until a smaller troll approached them and sat down to listen. She seemed instantly taken with what he had to say. And as she listened, slowly his voice grew and his confidence shone. By the time he was done speaking for the night, a small crowd had come together to hear him speak. She smiled at him when he turned to her and they began to leave, proud of what they had accomplished. As they were leaving the girl that first came to sit and listen began following them. They stopped and asked her name. Meulin she told them. She had come from the neighboring forest and saw the pair were without a lusi. It reminded her of herself as she was orphaned long ago and wanted to know about them. Apparently she found Kankri's words to be mesmerizing and had even begun taking notes during his speech. Shyly she asked them if she could join them on their journey. Kankri did not seem to object, infact he was almost ecstatic to have more company. He simply turned to his mother with an almost longing expression. She merely smiled and winked to the girl. “Of course you can come with us sweetie.”

It was from that day that they were no longer two people wandering the desert, but rather three. Meulin quickly adapted to the heat and wind and surprisingly even the change to waking during the daylight. Apparently she took no real notice of the time of day while living in the woods. They all got along unbelievably well, and soon she noticed that both Kankri and Meulin were becoming quite taken with one another. She would often take additional time on her hunt for food just to give them a bit of privacy out in the expansive desert waste. She had often seen little Kanny smile, but there was something different about the way he did it when he was beside Meulin. It was as if they had found something in each other that made the rest of the world disappear. Like no other force could ever drive them apart. She'd often read about how trolls could be during a matespriteship, but they seemed to push the boundaries of that. They seemed so attached to one another that it was almost like a molding of the quadrants into one. She couldn't quite explain it, but she knew for certain that she would never let anything keep them apart. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

During their journey both the jade mother and Meulin taught Kankri how to fend for himself. He eventually became quite proficient wielding a scythe. He would assist in gather food and on rare occasion that they were attacked by either wildlife or by trolls that disagreed with his message. Yet he would refuse to kill any trolls. Both of his companions complied and they would simply leave them beaten with mercy that surely no other would afford them. He wanted this to be a message too. That not only could they live in peace amongst each other, but that mercy, compassion, and above all forgiveness should be cherished. 

Her heart warmed to see the troll he was growing up to be. She knew that he was everything she wanted him to become. Strong yet compassionate. Intelligent yet modest. She could not have hoped for a better son than he. 

Soon they were amassing large crowds in every city they traveled to. As always, she would stand by his side and offer him her support, while Meulin would sit eagerly in front of him furiously scribbling every word he spoke into her journal. It was not uncommon for their visits to be met with some hostility. On one such day a group of cerulean bloods were chastising them when one of their mustard blood slaves decided that he had enough. The younger troll broke free of his chains and turned to his masters, with hate in his eyes. As his eyes glowed with powerful psionic powers, he turned to their group and paused. He had clearly been listening as the sight of them brought a sadness to the trolls face and he let his anger subside. Instead of assaulting his masters he mere said, “Harming you would be no better than the way you have treated me my entire life. No, I will take the higher road and let you be.” His blue blooded masters began to retaliate but Kankri quickly stood and went to the troll with the entire crowd, Meulin and his mother included. 

“This troll here has demonstrated the most spectacular display of peace I have ever witnessed. We can all learn from his example.” He then turned to the cerulean bloods, “You too could learn from him. And while I know you wish us harm, I need not remind you that you are vastly outnumbered here. Please do the smart thing and leave this troll alone. He is your servant no longer.” 

One of them tried to speak up, but was quickly quieted by her peers. Looking at their large group, the aristocrats decided to step away instead of causing a fight. Cheers were heard through the crowd as Kankri took the hand of the troll that had stood up for himself without the use of violence. “My friend.” He spoke with such a kind and soft voice. “Please tell me, what is your name?” 

The troll looked up at him and stuttered slightly. “M...Mituna.” He said with his head lowering.

Kankri, gently placed a hand beneath his chin and raised it so they were looking eye to eye. “Mituna. How would you like to travel with me and my family?” He didn't even need to ask for permission as he knew the answer the moment he set eyes on the troll.

Mituna did speak for a moment. The idea of freedom still not fully registering in his mind. Likely he had never before known any form of kindness. Without saying a word he dropped his head to Kankri's shoulder's and began to weep. 

Without another word to the crowd, the four of them took their leave and once again went out into the sands. The onlookers did not follow, as they knew that while they were welcome, the sands belonged to the family of those four. And none wished to intrude into their moment. 

It took several sweeps for Mituna to truly adjust to his new life. In that time they had become inseparable. She looked at their now four person group and could not contain the smile she felt growing on her lips. Her child had not grown up to know loneliness like she once feared. Instead he had a girl that he would likely trad the world for, and a best friend that either would do anything for the other. And now they were being listened to by crowds that did not only include low bloods. Even several teal and the occasional sea dweller made their way to the town to listen to him speak. For once, she felt that things may indeed change for the better.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Alas all good things eventually began to fade. As their fame and notoriety grew, so did the opposition to their message. Even with the increase in highbloods that took to his message, it only appeared to worry the other royals more. For if some of their own were beginning to fall to his ways, then one day enough could rise up and steal power from them. It was then that the land and sea dwellers united to stop them. 

On a normal visit to a local town that they had spoken to many times before, the attack began. The highbloods surrounded the town square while the sea trolls emerged from the lakeside. They threatened to attack all that were in attendance, but Kankri stepped forward and offered himself up instead. He did not want anyone being hurt because of him. They only laughed and began to attack anyway. This only served to crush his spirit as he was taken along with the entirety of his small group. The only semblance of peace he had was that their combined efforts assisted many of the bystanders to escape and avoid harm. 

For the next perigree the jade blood was kept in a cell. She could hear the others in the cells besides hers and did her best to keep their spirits up. She heard talk from the outside. Whispers from trolls passing by. They spoke of the group and of their message. But they dared not speak openly anymore, for fear of being locked away as well. She tried her greatest to not let the worry get to her. It helped all of them that Kankri was still ever calm and gentle. He told them how even if the worst should happen, that they would all still be together in another life. While it wasn't perfect, it made them feel somewhat at ease. 

Several days later Mituna was taken from them and they were told that he was to be sold back into slavery, this time to Her Imperious Condescension herself. They were all quiet that night as they knew that such a life was surely worse than death. She heard the soft cries of Meulin as they tried in vain to sleep after that. 

Within the next week, they were told that Kankri and Meulin would be executed the next day and that she would be sold to slavery as a means to punish her for abandoning her post at the mother grubs side. This she accepted, she accepted all of it. Despite where they found themselves now, she knew that it had meant something more to all of them than the lives they would have lived had they not come together. If she had not left that fateful day with the newfound grub in her arms. She called out to the both of them from in her cell. “Do you remember what I told you when you no more than a small pupa Kanny?” Her normally soft and songlike voice now hoarse from the lack of proper fluid intake. 

He laughed a quiet and breathy laugh. She heard him stand and grab onto the bars of his cell. “You told me never to be ashamed of my blood. Of who or what I am...” He paused and she could hear that he was holding back the tears for all of their sakes. “I never forgot mother. And I still do not feel shame for my blood. Or anything that we've done.” 

She smiled, and heard Meulin crying in the cell beside her. “I'm so proud of you Kanny. You don't know how proud I truly am.” “Kankers..... I love you so much. I'll stay by your side furever. Even if they cull us.” You could almost feel the smile he had as he talked. “I know you will Meulin. I love you too. Nothing will keep us apart. Not in this world, or the next.” 

They shared a day together reminiscing about their journeys until the Executor came for them the next night.

__________________________________________________________________________________ 

It was then that she broke from her memories. The chains around her wrists keeping her in the crowd. The screams of hate surrounded her. She knew this day was coming for some time now, but simply wanted to hold onto the past a little longer. But now the present was thrust upon her like the lifestyle she never truly wanted. Before long she heard the yelling turn to cheers. She looked up and saw that Kankri was being led out to the execution stand, with a pair or shackles around his wrists. They had removed the cloak she made for him that he would always wear and now walked shirtless before the crowd. She could see the pain he was in as the metal was made to burn white hot as long as he wore it. Behind him was dragged Meulin by a long chain around her throat. She winced from the pain but put on a strong face for Kankri.

He was dragged to the center and made to look out to the crowd. They jeered him and many began calling him a heretic or a blasphemer. Some called him a rotten mutant or scum. It hurt her ears to hear, but she could say nothing to stop them. 

To the shock of the crowd, the executor stated that only Kankri would be executed and that Meulin would be spared if only to watch him suffer. This seemed to bring a small smile to his face yet it was masked by pain and sadness at the realization at what that would do to her mind. They spared each other a glance and she could visibly see the heartbreak they could already feel. Could these highbloods take anymore from her poor son? They not only were going to take his best friends freedom, his own life, the message he wanted to share, but now they would even take their love in death from them. They sickened her to think that they tried to help highbloods like them as well. 

The executor looked to Kankri, and prepared to begin the execution. His shackles attached were to a chain that was hoisted onto a pillar, lifting him from the ground only suspended by the burning metal around his wrists. It was a grisly sight troll hangings. She could not hold back her tears as the sight of her son writhing in pain filled her vision. His screams of pain quickly overbeared all of the jeering the crowd had been throwing at him. Within moments they all became deathly silent. For Kankri had begun to speak through his pain filled cries. 

“I have been peaceful, I have been kind. I only dared to speak what others have been dreaming for so long. I had dreams too, dreams of what might have been.” She thought back to the days of just the two of them sitting alone in the desert. How he had confided his dreams to her. How speaking of them brought the biggest smile to his face. How she longed to have even one more day like that with him smiling up to her like the entire world didn't matter. 

“Where blood was simply blood, and all of us were equal. If wishing for that is heresy then yes, I deserve to die.” She thought back to her days in the caverns with the mother grub, how the blood of the grubs didn't matter to her. This care of all trolls had transferred from her to him and like she taught him years ago he was not ashamed of it. She did not want him to suffer like this, she definitely did not want him to die. How could any of this have gone differently?

“I’ve seen acts of sublime kindness, and the most vile cruelty.” She knew he was speaking of the troll they saw that sparked his interest in the blood hierarchy. And that the kindness he saw was of Mituna. How it pained her to think of what kind of life he now lived at the hands of their tyrant queen. Perhaps he would have been better off without their intrusion into his life. She didn't want to think that, and knew that Mituna would argue that he was still better off meeting them. But still she found herself doubting. 

“They say powerful beings find anger, when they have no room for love. What made you so? Are you so scared of change? Of those who are different? I realize I am different from you.” She wanted to scream out to them that he was different. Not because of his blood like they all thought. Not because he wanted change. But because unlike them, he cared. He cared about everyone. He had the most compassion that she had ever seen in her entire life.

“I have known feelings that none of you could ever hope to know. I have known the comradery of a friend who supported me against all odds.” Mituna flashed into her mind again but this time she smiled because Kanny too chose to remember the good times. “I have known the compassion of a guardian who took in when no others would and raised me to dream and hope.” She could not help but shed a tear hearing him speak of her that way. Had she to go back and find him again, she would make the same decision and care for him all over. How she wished that he could know that. “I have known the love and passion that transcends in definition.” She was now fully crying as she could only imagine how he felt at knowing that Meulin could see and hear him now. She glanced to the side and saw her broken down upon the platform, crying more than she had thought possible. 

Kankri yelled in pain and anger, the metal burning deeper against his skin. He bit back tears and was refusing to let go of his life until he was done talking. It was breaking her heart to see him struggle and suffer so. 

“There’s no use hiding it now, you all can see me for what I am. The Signless, the Sufferer, the mutant.” She cringed as he had never become accostomed to the name Signless. While it wasn't a lie he just didn't care for people calling him that. But it had caught on early into his sermons and it was how he became known. He had simply chosen not to make a big deal out of it because it could well have been something much worse. How she longed to hold him close again and whisper his name like when she would soothe his dreams in their early stages. 

By now his words were becoming louder. His normal compassion was beginning to fade. It was a true testament to his willpower that it lasted this long. “My blood burns brightly for all to see, it is the flame of a revolution that you can never hope to quell. My memory can be erased, but my ideals will never die. My mistake was believing I could change a world infected with hate and corruption.” Her spirit was breaking. He was losing his kindness and for a first time ever she heard anger in his voice. In the many sweeps since he was a wriggler, she never heard him angry even once. Now of all times, though justified, she found the sound of it too much too bear. Her tears refused to stop and her voice was growing tense from sobbing. 

“You’ve taken the freedom of an innocent troll and turned his blessings into a curse. The pity you’ve taken on my Disciple will wound her, she has known true love and you forced her into a life of solitude!” The tone of his voice had now escalated to rage. It was truly tearing at her heart. Both hearing how much this was breaking apart the Kankri that she knew, and knowing the truth behind his words and how his closest friends were already suffering with him. 

“You’ve forced a mother to watch her own son die!” His voice was now filled with rage and was bellowing for all to hear. She dropped to her knees and began letting the tears fill the ground. It felt as though a part of her heart had literally been pulled from her chest and pummeled into the ground. She would give anything to go onto the stage and pacify the rage her son was feeling. She knew he had accepted death, and hard as that was to watch, she could feel that the breaking of his kindness was a fate much worse than death to him. It was that that was eating away at her heart. It was that act that she would never forgive. Should would never find it in her soul to look on these monsters that caused her loving boy to feel so much hatred and anger when all he wanted was for peace and happiness. 

She refused to look away and forced herself to stand and watch as he continued to writhe in agony and spit bright red blood across the stage. Meulin was screaming behind him and he could likely hear as it made him yell all the more. “I see you for what you are and always fucking have. I thought I could fucking change you! Fuck me for being a fucking fool! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuck!” He suddenly stopped struggling and instead looked out to the crowd. A fierce anger in his eyes pierced through the red blood dripping down his arms and down his face. “Fuck… I am angry. Because I forgive you. I may be the biggest fucking fool on Alternia, but when I close my eyes I see a world where we all work together.” He took in a deep breath as if too compose himself. Then he let red tears run down his cheek to meld in with the blood stained stone. “And it is so. Fucking. Beautiful.” He choked out the last words. 

It was now deadly silent aside from the frantic crying of Meulin. No one dared say a word lest they stop the horridly beautiful speech that Kankri gave. Despite all of the pain, all of the agony and hatred he now felt. He still found it in his heart to have compassion. She could not describe the pride that filled her in the last words he spoke. In spite of all the horror they had just experienced, he found a way to power through it and keep the spirit that she loved and raised inside him alive. 

He scanned the crowd and eventually their eyes met. She could see all the sadness, pain, and anger that he was feeling. And likewise she knew that he could feel every emotion that was running through her soul as she watched. She wanted to do something, anything to try and ease his suffering. So she did the one thing she knew always made him feel at ease. She looked up at him and smiled. She thought back to all the good times they had together, but most importantly, she recalled when they embraced and he told her that he would never be ashamed of himself. It was the most genuine smile she could ever hope to give him. With it she mouthed a simple yet heartfelt message to him. “I love you Kanny. Momma is so very proud of you”

His expression immediately softened upon seeing her smile to him. Forcing through all of his pain, he smiled back to her. It was the one that she always loved, the smile that only he could make. Her heart lifted slightly and she saw him mouth back to her. “I'll always love and remember you mom. I've never been more proud than to be your s....” It was then that the sound of an arrowing loosing from it's bow was heard. It soared from the executor and into Kankri's side. The effect was near instantaneous. The red from his eyes slowly faded into a pale yellow and the life faded out of him. 

The first thing she heard was Meulin scream and fight and claw against her chains. The executor may have decided to spare her life, but he did nothing to spare her heart. She was tentatively released and took Kankri's leggings that had been stripped from him. They were likely the only thing that she would have to remember him by. She paused to over his body to give him one last embrace and a shallow kiss before fleeing from the scene. Though some tried to stop her, she was too ferocious and the executor even assisted in her abscond. 

Through it all, the jade mother had found herself on her knees, openly weeping at the loss of her son and that of her entire new family. The crowd said nothing to her. None of them said a word at all. They merely stood and slowly began to dissipate. Without acknowledging the cerulean troll that now urged her out of the execution grounds, she begrudgingly moved her feet to follow her new “master”. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

Nearly a sweep has passed as she spends her days in a cell aboard the ship of her cerulean master. She cares not for the woman, or anyone for that matter. The only three that she truly cared for had been stolen from her. Everything she loved was gone. But she tried not to hate, she tried her very best to keep his message to heart. After all he chose to forgive them all in the end. Chose to cling to his dream of a better world. She wanted more than anything to at least be faithful to his last request of them all. 

The message of Kankri was not lost to the world, but it was hidden. Speaking or even owning literature of it was strictly forbidden. She knew that Meulin would keep it alive though. She had long ago memorized every word of the sermons that Kankri would give. But still it hurt to know that already history was forgetting them. Even their names were lost to the public. From behind her bars she could hear the whispers of some of the crew. They talked of them, and it made her heart hurt. 

For history would not remember Meulin Leijon. Rather they spoke of the Disciple, Kankri's most loyal and first follower. She would always remember her as the girl that listened. The one that made him find the confidence to share his dreams with the world. The one he would always and forever love.

They would not remember the Mituna Captor. Instead they called him the Psiionic, the troll that defied his masters to join them on their journeys. She however, remembered him as Kankri's first true friend. The man that proved to him that the dream he had was indeed possible. The troll that gave up his ability to die for the dream they all shared.

It would not remember the name Kankri Vantas. To her disgust they would call him the Signless, or a mutant, or even the Sufferer. She hated those names. None of them were her Kanny. She understood why the followers were choosing to use the cursed 6 and 9 to refer to him in secret but it made her blood boil to think of those sinister objects and what they did to her son. Nothing could ever make her forget the life she crafted for the two of them. She would never forget each and every smile he had, each day they spent together in their massive “hive”. She'd never forget the small and innocent face of the grub she found in a crater. And above all she would never regret picking him up and casting away her old life. Even now, everything they had, everything they accomplished. She wouldn't trade it for this world, any previous, or the next.

And finally, history would never remember the name Porrim Maryam. Forever in the annals of history she would be known as The Dolorosa. The grieving mother to the Signless.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic on this site and the first one that I have written for Homestuck. I had the idea for this while listening to Jade Mother a few days ago and found that I really wanted to write the last moments of the Sufferer's life from Dolorosa's perspective. It eventually became their entire lives and how she came to find him in the first place. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed or if you didn't to let me know what I could have done differently.
> 
> Special thanks to sunbreaksdown for their story Mater Dolorosa which served as inspiration for the past of the cult. It's a great story that you should definitely read.


End file.
